A surprising lesson I learnt from a top money coach
What makes us spend or save? Is it to do with personality, upbringing, conditioning or life choice? How come different children in the same family treat money in wildly differing ways, and why do some people seem to be totally on top of their finances, while others are always skint?
These questions have been occupying me for years, as I write for magazines and newspapers about managing money and saving for the future. What intrigues me is that being good with money is not linked to income scales (some of the highest earners I know are the ones with the biggest debts), class or age. It is about something deeper – about our most basic needs to feel secure, loved, valued and acknowledged.
Which is why I was fascinated to undergo my own session in the psychiatrist’s chair recently. What became clear during my consultation was that our brains are hard-wired to seek pleasure – through shopping, spending, and new experiences – and that beneath this pleasure-seeking principle is an attempt to escape from pain. When you understand what is motivating this behaviour at the deepest level, then you can begin to identify your triggers and make a more conscious decision about your spending patterns.
I think this is particularly relevant right now, while the January sky is steel-grey; it is cold and we are all missing the festivities of Christmas. Next Monday is, apparently, the most miserable day of the year when credit card bills come in and bank accounts are empty. All triggers for a bit of retail therapy.
So when money coach Becky Wright of Harley Street Coaching, London, offered to look deep into my soul and explore what my own money issues were, I could hardly refuse. She has a background in psychotherapy, so she is able to provide some very interesting insights into motivation and behaviour. Given that I spend most of my time writing about other people’s financial successes and failures, it was time for me to face my own demons.
What emerged was that my strong work ethic, which has enabled me to live successfully as a freelance journalist for nearly a decade, even in the teeth of a brutal recession, has tipped over into being a workaholic as times got tougher. Becky encouraged me to look at what was driving me and what I was afraid of.
She recommended that I set up three accounts – one for bills, one for savings and one for treats (now known affectionately as the “pamper” account). This assuages any guilt involved in paying for treats out of the household budget. She also recommended that I give over space each day for creativity and thinking time – sometime that is the lifeblood of a freelancer and writer but which I had neglected recently.
The final task was to create a vision board of how I wanted my life to be, using photos and words torn from magazines and brochures. Those who know me well would not be surprised to discover that many of them involved surf beaches – a not-so-subconscious desire to live by the sea.
A vision board is simple to create – you can do it alone, with a partner or as a family. Flick through old magazines and tear out any pictures or words which appeal to you, on whatever subject. Assemble the pictures on a board or piece of large cardboard, then put them away for a week, and when you take it out you will be amazed by what it reveals.
Having had my own money counselling, I thought I would share some of Becky’s tips and secrets with you. Here are a couple of exercises you can do in five minutes with just a pen and a piece of paper which will get you thinking about your relationship with your finances:
1. When I feel the urge to spend money and I don’t need to, what is it I am trying to self-comfort?
2. If I am spending money I don’t have then what aspect of my life do I need to feel more in control of?
3. How else could I reward myself in life without buying something?
4. What does “enough money” mean to me?
5. If money was a relationship how would I rate my relationship right now, and what is the conversation I need to have to move things forwards?
6. If I feel guilty around money pause for a moment and think about what is it that keeps my behaviour from changing? Guilt is often the glue that keeps certain behaviour in place.
24. January 2011 at 6:04 am
This is a fine disposition on the subject.
On the point of three accounts, one for savings, I have always believed that one should not have savings if one holds any kind of debt. Simply put, the return on the savings, would not be anything like near enough to pay the repay [including interest] the debt.